The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do To Reconnect With Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work Paperback Author: David Olsen | Language: English | ISBN:
0963878417 | Format: PDF, EPUB
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- Paperback: 238 pages
- Publisher: Echo Point Books & Media (January 21, 2011)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0963878417
- ISBN-13: 978-0963878410
- Product Dimensions: 11 x 8.5 x 0.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
At the core of what you will learn from this book are a problem and a goal. The problem is emotional reactivity. The goal is intimacy. Emotional reactivity will not lead to intimacy.
Emotional reactivity leads to relational patterns, and can be fueled by a number of things. It can be fueled by myths to which you subscribe, beliefs and biases you have about gender, marriage, your spouse or yourself, and even fueled by your upbringing and the family dynamics in which you were raised.
This book takes readers step-by-step through the problems, with real-life examples given, and strategies for change.
Relational patterns have to do with the predictable nature of arguments in your marriage. Different arguments may result in different patterns, but overall there are typically predictable patterns that play out on a regular basis between spouses, fueled by emotional reactivity. One example of a relational pattern is the pursuer/distancer pattern, in which one spouse consistently pursues the other spouse to address a topic, and this results in the distancing partner to distance even further. The pattern quickly develops, with the pursuer frustrated by the distance, and pursuing more strongly, which serves to push the distancing partner further away. Some other examples of relational patterns are over/underfunctioning, conflict/avoidant and dominant/submissive. Each of these, and others, are described in the book to help readers spot the patterns they may be stuck in.
One of the steps toward change is recognizing your relational patterns, and working toward recognizing them and altering the pattern, compared to continuing to be emotionally reactive which is what led to the patterns in the first place.
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