The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Paperback Author: Visit Amazon's Melissa Orlov Page | Language: English | ISBN:
1886941971 | Format: PDF, EPUB
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Review
"The ADHD Effect is a brilliant compilation of what you can do if you are in a marriage where one or both of you have ADHD. It is a life-saver of a book..." --Dr. Edward Hallowell, co-author of Driven to Distraction
"We adore this book! It's a comprehensive guide to dealing with the impact of ADHD on your marriage without making either partner wrong..." --Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo, authors of You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!
"On-target, practical, and helpful. [The] straightforward, empathetic prose strikes just the right balance between explaining why things happen and what couples should do in response.” —Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, founder, Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health
“This book is long overdue and much needed!” —Nancy Ratey, EdM, MCC, SCAC, author, The Disorganized Mind
“Refreshingly to-the-point, do-able, and compassionate.” —Rebecca Shafir, MACCC, author, The Zen of Listening
"A beacon of light and hope, offering strategies that help couples feel happier and more satisfied." —Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, author,More Attention, Less Deficit
“An incredibly valuable service to those struggling in a marriage with ADHD." —Kevin Murphy, PhD, coauthor, ADHD in Adults: What the Science Says
“Ms. Orlov’s book provides what many leave out—empathy for both partners." —Sari Solden, MS, LMFT, author, Journeys Through ADDulthood
“Readers will find a wealth of information and support as well as practical tips, exercises, and stories.” —Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo, coauthors,You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!
“If you are in a marriage affected by ADHD, this book is a must read for both spouses." —Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, LMFT, author,ADD & Romance
From the Inside Flap
"This book provides an incredibly valuable service to those struggling in a marriage with ADHD. Written by someone who has been there and knows firsthand how ADHD can disrupt a marriage, it will help couples truly understand ADHD, realize they are not alone, and teach them what specifically can be done to align together as a team to turn things around. Ms. Orlov has done a wonderful job of providing knowledge, awareness, and hope to those who sorely need it."
-Kevin Murphy, PhD, co-author of ADHD in Adults: What the Science Says
"The ADHD Effect is an exceptional book that addresses the complexity of the relationship between partners whose lives are affected by ADHD while presenting sound family system principles in an easy-to-understand and accessible way...I would highly recommend this book to my clients, their partners, and to couple therapists who want to learn to effectively guide couples in marriages challenged by The ADHD Effect."
-Sari Solden, MS, LMFT, author of Journeys Through ADDulthood
"Orlov's work is a beacon of light and hope, offering strategies that help couples feel happier and more satisfied."
-Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, author of More Attention, Less Deficit
See all Editorial Reviews
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- Paperback: 233 pages
- Publisher: Specialty Press/A.D.D. Warehouse (September 1, 2010)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1886941971
- ISBN-13: 978-1886941977
- Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
- Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
My wife (who has ADHD) and I (who does not) have just started reading this book together, and we are already benefiting from it!
This is the first book that I have been able to find that isn't only about understanding ADHD and the behaviors that tend to be associated with ADHD. It also addresses behaviors that are associated with the nonADHD person in the couple. And that is essential in order for both partners to feel validated, and also in order for each partner to feel empathy for the other.
In the past, when my wife and I have attempted to read other books together - books that were written for couples in which one of the partners has ADHD - my wife always felt so bad that her ADHD behaviors were causing such pain for me that she was unable to continue. She came away feeling that since she was the one with ADHD, she was to blame for all our problems. And in some ways, I actually agreed with her. But because she was feeling so guilty, she wasn't able to take a step back and really see the effect her behaviors were having on me. And so we were stuck.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage, on the other hand, puts the "blame" not just on the ADHD, but also on the nonADHD spouse's very predictable responses to ADHD behaviors, and also on the ADHD spouse's predictable responses to the nonADHD spouse's responses! So both of us are able to more clearly understand how we are each contributing to the dynamic. She can see the effect her behaviors have on me, and perhaps more importantly, I can see the effect my behaviors (in response to her behaviors) are having on her. And ironically, rather that both of us just feeling bad that we are to blame, we actually now feel that we can work together to improve things.
When we go on vacations, my husband and I usually bring a book for me to read aloud while he is driving. I saw all of the positive reviews and decided to order The ADHD Effect on Marriage for our trip a couple weeks ago. We read almost all of it on our trip and we've been finishing up since we got back.
My goodness, I thought we might get one or two good things out of this, but it completely changed the way we view our marriage! In our relationship, I am the one with ADHD and my husband has kind of always been one of those people who thinks "everyone is a little bit ADHD because we all spend so much time on computers, etc." We've been married for a little over a year. The first 5 months were a disaster, and then when I stopped taking Adderall things got a lot better (it makes me very irritable). Marriage has still been really rough, though.
As we read the first section "Understanding ADHD in Your Marriage," suddenly everything made so much sense to both of us. Over and over again, the book described our problems perfectly. The author did a GREAT job of describing things from the perspective of the ADHD spouse AND from the perspective of the non-ADHD spouse. There were a couple ideas here that I felt were most helpful: first, there is an example of everything coming to the ADHD spouse at the same level of importance (so, I don't remember perfectly what it said, but it mentioned something important vs. the bright numbers on a radio clock and to those of us with ADHD there isn't a natural prioritization). Second, Orlov describes a concept of time that is "now" and "not now." Both of these concepts were things I could relate to totally, but I had never been able to explain them to my husband in a way that was meaningful.
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